Thursday, December 3, 2009

just a little rant...

I am trying to be positive I swear... I am trying to not get discouraged... trying to not count the days... trying to smile, stay busy, not think about it, enjoy the moments BUT its so difficult. Throughout the day I am faced with the reminder that I am not pregnant and probably won't get pregnant anytime in the near future. I went to my doctor- he said that I have high testosterone (uhhhh my response... "like a boy testosterone- have no fear- I am not a boy). So then I get referred to a specialist. Well when I called to book my appt today- she says "we aren't seeing anyone until Feb" my response... "are you flippin kidding me?" so... after some pouting and kicking and screaming (its the testosterone that does that) I got myself another appointment with a different doctor for the end of December.

When I got married I thought it would be this like super easy thing to get pregnant. I imagined getting "knocked up" on my wedding night and popping out babies left and right. After one month, then two, then 5, then 12, lots of prego tests, lots of ovulation sticks- I am left with lots of heartache and frustration and still no baby. Guess my plan and idea was different then Heavenly Fathers and I am here with no baby and alot of frustration. The Hubbs is amazing at keeping me calm, reminding me of my blessings, not letting me get depressed but then I see all of my friends (total 14 friends are prego right now) with their glow and their excitement and I want that. I know I should not be that way but maybe just maybe a special stork will bring me a baby for Christmas. I know it will work its way out... it may cost us alot of money and maybe we will pop out like 6 at one time but it will happen. My dad said we won't be Jon and Kate plus 8- but instead will be Brooke and Brian are Broke!!

1 comment:

  1. Brooke!!! I finally found your blog. Don't worry - you'll be able to pregnant - I know you will. It will just be a trial for you. Jared and I are going to start trying in June. I'm going to keep up on your blog and I'll keep you in my thoughts. By the way, the Jackson trip was a total selfish trip and we went by ourselves. :)